Presentation can be downloaded here
In October of ND BrainSpace, we talked about Overwhelm, Shutdown and Connection, discussing the impact that being stressed and over-stimulated can have on our behaviours, emotions and social connections.
What can Overwhelm feel like?
Overwhelm can look different on the outside compared to how it feels on the inside. For some it can feel like:
Everything feels like too much
Your brain feels full /you can't think clearly
You are irritable or easily frustrated
You feel anxious or panicky
You may feel emotionally disconnected or numb
Words become harder to find
You may feel paralysed/frozen, unable to make decisions
You have the strong need to escape or be alone
You suddenly feel exhausted
Over-stimulated - sounds, touch, light or people feel more intense and upsetting
Small things suddenly feel HUGE e.g., knocking into something becomes far more upsetting or frustrating
What are the responses to Overwhelm?
When our capacity is exceeded, different people — and the same person at different times — may respond in various ways. This can vary depending on sleep frequency and duration, the current context, who they have to support them, prior mood and many other factors.
Sometimes a response to overwhelm can be external, where it is visible to others, this is called ‘meltdown’ and can look like:
Crying
Shouting or raised voice
Irritability or anger
Pacing / increased movement
Strong emotional reactions
Feeling out of control
Needing to escape
Other times, the response to overwhelm may be more internal, this is called ‘shutdown’. This may present through:
Going quiet - struggling or being unable to find words
Withdrawing - isolation/needing to be alone
Feeling frozen - unable to move
Not being able to process information being given to you and form a response
Feeling numb or disconnected
What happens to our connections?
Social situations can be incredibly difficult to handle when we feel overwhelmed. It can feel like you don’t have the capacity to maintain relationships at that moment in time, which can translate, or could be worried that it will translate, to “I don’t want you” on the outside. Which is often, not the case at all.
When we’re overwhelmed, our need for connection might not disappear — but our capacity for it can change.
This can manifest as you:
going quiet or stop responding - especially online as it an sometimes be ‘easier’ to ignore messages or calls
Needing more space than usual - to avoid over-stimulation or give you time to process
Cancelling or changing plans
Struggling to show affection or interest
Finding questions or conversation overwhelming
Sounding short, blunt or irritable
Finding it hard to explain what’s happening
Wanting company without having to interact
Worrying that we’re letting people down
Pulling away because connection feels like another demand
What can be challenging?
During our ND BrainSpace events, we discussed what people find difficult and could cause overwhelm in day-to-day lives. Whilst this can vary from person to person, we found some overlapping topics that some agreed limited their capacity to process their emotions and behaviours
These are some of what was brought up:
A dog barking or a baby crying
Multiple conversations at the same time
Trauma can make overwhelm and shutdown harder or more likely.
Wanting to be alone to disconnect but having to continue to mask for work - can cause escalation in overwhelm
Everything to do with food - texture, taste, choice - meal planning and cooking.
Having high energy or low energy, so if you're rushing around or trying to progress things too quickly.
Having too many options to choose between
A difference or change in my daily and weekly routine
Interruptions and new things I didn't have planned.
Not being able to move on unless there's complete understanding. It's seen as not letting go or moving on.
Anxiety / Intrusive thoughts.
Loneliness.
Avoid going and doing things in case a meltdown happens - followed by shame
Conflict
Demands and last-minute changes of plans.
Having lots of ideas and not knowing how to share them properly.
In the sessions, we talk about how overwhelm can arise and how it affects each of us - including how it can result in an internal, or external, meltdown. For some, meltdowns can result in shutdown and avoidance, whilst for others it may result in overt irritability and annoyance.
There is also the added pressure for some to mask a meltdown or overwhelm. Depending on the history of the person or the context in which the overwhelming situation occurred, some may feel as if they cannot share their feelings or even understand them fully. This can add to the overwhelm and stress, or result in further isolation.
Personally, I find lots of conversations happening around me at the same time, confusing and frustrating. It means I can’t focus on the person I am talking to, and so feel as though I am failing to give them the attention that they deserve. As such, I tend to suggest quieter places or hanging out at home, so that I know that I won’t be distracted or getting upset.
What can help?
One technique that some people can find useful is the ‘I notice, I feel, I need’. This technique involves going through a process of recognition:
I notice… What are the signs? →I’m losing words. Noise is bothering me. I’m getting snappy. I want everyone to go away.
I feel… What’s happening internally? → Overwhelmed. Anxious. Irritable. Exhausted. Trapped.
I need… What might help right now? →Space. Quiet. Fewer questions. Food. Movement. Reassurance. Time. Connection without conversation.
For example: “I’m getting overwhelmed + I need some quiet + I’ll come back when I’ve had a bit of time.”
Not only could this technique be used to help reduce overwhelm in yourself, but also to help you communicate your needs others so that they are aware of what is going on and how they could helpfully respond. It is important to remember that communication does not have to happen in that same moment that you are feeling overwhelmed, we can give prior warning to people beforehand, so that they are aware of how overwhelm can affect you and how they may be able to help.
There were also some more suggestions given during the ND BrainSpace sessions that may help:
Applying the brakes – knowing when to slow yourself down.
Saying, "I can't talk about that right now, sorry."
Having a pre-made kit that you carry around - this can have lavender oil, fidget toy, noise-cancelling headphones or whatever you think will help you
Keeping up with regular wellbeing techniques: exercise, breathing and contact with safe people.
Going for a walk where possible
Doing things that scare you but in a manageable way, i.e. allowing yourself to be late, doing lots of planning and staying for less time.
Pausing and not reacting straight away when something upsetting is happening.
What works for someone else may not work for you, as such it is wise to try different techniques to see what you are comfortable with. Try to be patient and curious as you go through your trial and error. It may even help to see the experimenting with what helps as an adventure.
Get involved
If you enjoyed or are interested in topics like this, please feel free to join us on ND BrainSpace — whether you’re newly exploring neurodivergence, late identified, self-identifying, diagnosed, questioning, or simply tired of feeling like you have to perform your way through life.
ND BrainSpace is a peer-support space for neurodivergent adults to explore shared experiences like masking, burnout, overwhelm, identity, relationships, boundaries, and nervous system regulation in a warm, non-judgemental environment.
If this topic interests you and you would like more space and time to explore it, you are more than welcome to explore it at ND RelateSpace.
ND RelateSpace is a online community that aims to help people connect with others and themself, building healthy relationships. If you use the code ‘NDBS26’ you can get 50% off your first two months.
There’s no pressure to speak or share. Some people come to talk, others come to listen, reflect, and realise they’re not the only one.
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