ND BrainSpace - Boundaries
At this month’s ND BrainSpace, we’ve been talking about boundaries.
We started with a simple question:
What do you find most challenging about boundaries?
What we find hard
What came through really clearly was how complex boundaries actually are — especially when you’re navigating energy, expectations, and relationships all at once.
Energy and overcommitment
There was a strong sense of how easy it is to go past capacity without realising.
That moment where you’ve already said yes… and your body quietly goes, oh no.
Burnout, social exhaustion, and that pressure to keep going showed up a lot.
Guilt and people-pleasing
Guilt sits right at the centre of so many boundary struggles.
Not wanting to upset people.
Worrying about being seen as rude.
Finding it harder to say no to the people closest to you.
Sometimes it feels easier to override yourself than risk disappointing someone else.
Saying it (or not saying it)
Even when you know your boundary, saying it out loud can be a whole different challenge.
There were shared experiences of freezing in the moment, second-guessing what’s appropriate, or only realising afterwards what you wish you’d said.
Sensory and personal space
For some, boundaries are deeply physical.
Noise. Proximity. Touch. Space.
These aren’t small preferences — they directly affect how safe or overwhelmed someone feels.
Pressure from work and social expectations
Workplaces and social environments don’t always make boundaries easy to hold.
There can be an underlying sense of needing to fit in, keep up, or not make things awkward — even when something doesn’t feel right.
What actually helps
Alongside all of this, there was also a lot of practical wisdom about what makes boundaries feel more possible.
A bit of planning goes a long way
Thinking ahead — even lightly — can take the pressure off in the moment.
Knowing your limits, having a way to leave, or setting expectations early can make things feel much more manageable.
Clear, honest communication (when it’s safe to do so)
Being able to say what you need — simply and directly — can shift a lot.
Not perfectly. Not always comfortably. But enough to reduce the guesswork.
The right people make a difference
Having someone you feel at ease with — at work or socially — can act as a kind of anchor.
Someone who gets it. Someone who helps things feel a bit less intense.
Support and adjustments matter
Whether it’s workplace accommodations, rest spaces, or just being listened to properly — support changes what’s possible.
And knowing your rights can help with that too.
Understanding yourself
There was also something quieter, but really important, in the conversation.
Recognising your own patterns.
Noticing masking.
Accepting that your boundaries might look different to someone else’s.
And allowing that to be okay.
The bigger picture
Boundaries aren’t just about saying no.
They’re about noticing what you need, in real time — and giving yourself permission to respond to that.
Sometimes that’s clear and confident.
Sometimes it’s messy and late and full of hindsight.
Both still count.
If you recognise yourself in any of this, you’re not alone.
You’re figuring out what works for you — and that’s a process, not a failure.
Get involved
If this resonates, you’re very welcome to join us — no diagnosis needed, just curiosity and kindness.
ND BrainSpace is a peer-support space for neurodivergent adults to come together, share experiences, and explore what actually works in real life. It’s not about fixing anything — it’s about understanding, connection, and finding ways forward that feel more sustainable.
You can find out more about upcoming groups here:
https://www.chooseyourway.co.uk/nd-brainspace
ND BrainSpace is community-led and supported through contributions. If you’re in a position to help with the running of the group, you can also find details on how to contribute via the link — it really does help keep the space going.
Links from the presentation;
https://www.nedratawwab.com/books/set-boundaries-find-peace
https://www.chooseyourway.co.uk/resources/boundaries-and-neurodivergence-why-is-it-so-confusing