Goodbye Inner Critic (and yes, mine’s called Pam)
If you’ve ever found yourself replaying a conversation from last week, cringing at something you said, or spiralling into I’m a terrible human, you’ve met your inner critic.
ADHD and neurodivergent brains are often big, active thinkers. My clients sometimes call it overthinking — though I’m not sure I like that word. It sounds like you’re doing something wrong again (and let’s face it, the last thing we need is another reason to feel not-enough). So, I prefer active thinking.
But here’s where active thinking becomes tricky: when it’s being driven by your inner critic.
Meet the critic
The inner critic is that voice that says:
You’re not good enough.
You messed that up.
They don’t really like you.
You said too much. You didn’t say enough.
Sound familiar?
We all have one. It’s part of our brain’s old survival system — a slightly misguided attempt to keep us safe by avoiding pain, embarrassment or rejection. Trouble is, when that voice gets louder and more persistent, it starts to chip away at your confidence and self-esteem.
Over time, it stops being a safety mechanism and turns into a bully.
So, how do you manage the critic?
The first step is noticing it.
Start spotting when that voice shows up. Try to create a bit of distance between you and it. Remember: this isn’t all of you — it’s just one voice in the mix.
Sometimes it helps to name it. Seriously. Give it a name and a personality. I’ve heard everything from Dennis the Menace to Negative Nancy. Mine? She’s called Pam.
Let me introduce her…
Example from real life
The other day I was out walking my young dog, who’s still learning how to greet other dogs. She got a bit overexcited, and another owner wasn’t thrilled.
Pam immediately piped up:
“You’re not training her enough. You’re rubbish at this. She’s your responsibility. You’ve never looked after anything properly in your life.”
Classic Pam.
So I said (in my head, mostly): “Thanks, Pam — but not today.”
Then I switched to Kind Hannah:
“That was a bit tricky. I could do a bit more training with her, sure. But I’m doing my best, and most of the time she’s fine. We’re both learning.”
And guess what? Pam went quiet.
When kindness steps in, the critic loses power.
Kill it with kindness (gently)
This isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about choosing the kind voice over the critical one.
For me, this practice began years ago after discovering Tara Brach and the idea of compassionate thinking. It blew my mind (and still does). I’ve been practising it for around eight years, and honestly, it’s been one of the biggest game changers for my wellbeing.
If you’re thinking, “There’s no way I can do that — my inner critic’s way too loud,” I hear you. I said exactly the same. It takes time, practice, and patience.
A few tips to start with
Notice the critic – Awareness is everything.
Name it – Give it a silly name if that helps you not take it too seriously.
Find your kind voice – Imagine how you’d speak to a friend in the same situation.
Wait until you’re calm – You can’t reason with your critic when you’re in fight-or-flight mode. Take a breather first.
Write it down – Journaling helps you get the critic’s words out of your head and into perspective.
Ask for help if you need it – Sometimes it’s easier to work through this with a therapist or coach.
A gentle reminder
You’ll always have thoughts that criticise, doubt, or worry. That’s human. But you don’t have to believe them all.
Over time, you’ll start to recognise that voice for what it is — a part of you that’s scared, not bad. You can thank it for its concern… and then lovingly tell it to sit down and have a cup of tea.
And maybe, one day, you’ll find yourself saying,
“Not today, Pam.”
Over to you
What’s your inner critic’s name?
And what would your kind voice say back?
Ready to tell your inner critic to pipe down?
Let’s figure it out together — kindly, curiously, and your way.